Today I left Macha. For the last time.
I got up early and finished packing, put my stuff in Eric’s
parent’s car, said bye to Eric, Corie and the girls until tomorrow, took one
last look at the house, and got in the car.
And then I proceeded to choke back tears the whole way out
Macha… out of the gate I have walked through so many times, past the dorms, the
houses, past the kids walking to school. I held them back as we went out of the
hospital and MRT compound, as we headed out the long dirt road, past the
villages, and even as we turned on to the paved road.
I choked back tears yesterday as I said goodbyes, as Eric
prayed before “The Last Supper” that Corie prepared (which once again was
amazing), as Char hugged me around my neck and gave me a kiss goodnight, as my
friends here in Macha all came over to the house to play cards and eat cake one
last time before all joining together in prayer with me before I left.
And now, as I sit at Jollyboys in Livingstone… I can’t choke
them back.
It’s hard to leave. Really hard. I’m not even out of Zambia
yet and I miss it. For me, Macha isn’t just a place that I went to visit for
the summer to do an internship. Macha has been my home for the past 3 months. I
have friends there. I have a family there – one that includes two little
sisters. And I hate to leave them. Macha is a place that God has used to change
me.
I’m spending a few days in Livingstone before I fly back to
the U.S. on Sunday… I decided that I was going to use these days to reflect, to
process, and to prepare mentally and emotionally to go back home. I ended up
going on a sunset cruise tonight with a few girls that are here from Macha as
well. And it was absolutely beautiful. Great job God :) But I spent the ride
back in the boat thinking…
There were times this summer that I thought I couldn’t do
this anymore. There are times that I missed home and people too much. There are
things and parts of me that feel like they have just fallen apart this summer. I
don’t know what I’m doing when I get home. I don’t have a job or a plan. I
don’t know if I want to be at home or overseas.
But – as I am learning – I can pity myself, I can feel
unworthy or like I don’t have a purpose… or I can choose to trust God and the fact
that He has a plan for me. I can let myself be sad or anxious, I can worry… or I
can choose the peace of God which surpasses all understanding – knowing that
God’s peace doesn’t mean that nothing hard is going to happen anymore, but
having a quiet confidence within myself to know that it will be okay in the end,
even if it doesn’t seem it in the moment. And I say as I am learning – because
this is such a hard thing to translate from my mind to my heart.
He has rocked my world in so many ways this summer – placing
people in my life to talk with, placing people in my life to love, using people
who were already in my life back home to encourage me and stand by me even
though they were halfway across the world, and using this time here in Zambia
as a way to break me down, but also to start to put me back together as the person
He wants me to be.
I’ve learned this summer – again in my mind, it’s hard to
translate to my heart – that God is who I need to be totally reliant on. Not on
people. Not on things. Not on anything but Him. The people here have shown me
that. Missing home has shown me that. He is the only thing I can depend on.
I’ve learned that my purpose in this life is to seek and
find His purpose for me. To follow Him in everything I do. I don’t know if I
will go home and find the perfect job, or if I will go home and start
waitressing while I wait. I don’t know if I will stay in the United States or
if I will end up overseas. I don’t know what God has for me. But after this
summer, I do know that God has a purpose for my life and if I seek His will in
my life, it’s all going to be okay.
“For I know the plans
I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray
to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me
with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord… Jeremiah 29:11-14
I don’t want to leave Macha. But He had a plan for me this
summer… and He will have a plan for me when I am home.
I’ve left part of my heart in Macha. And I know I will be
back.
Today I left Macha. For the last time… for now. Macha, my friends,
my family, every child I interacted with – these things will remain in my heart
forever.
Some pics from the sunset cruise tonight: